


A little more perfect

by fantaxys



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Human, Astronomy, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood First Meet, POV Magnus Bane, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28956027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantaxys/pseuds/fantaxys
Summary: Magnus takes a walk on a cold February night and finds a guy, sitting on the edge of a bridge.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	A little more perfect

**Author's Note:**

> This work is written in Magnus's POV. Enjoy reading!

You always heart story's about happy families. Loving parents, a few siblings, even a dog maybe? But most of the times, that's just fantasy. Well, for me it is.

I was the only child my parents ever had, and they didn't even want me. My dad left when I was 4 years old and my mom killed herself because of me. Is it too harsh to say she hated me? No, it's not. It's the truth. My life has always been different than most people.

For starters, I'm an out and proud bisexual, who loves to "dress to impress" like my friend Catarina used to say it. I'm not ashamed of it. Hell, I love it. 

A few years ago I got a boyfriend, a really handsome guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. But alas, it didn't work out for us. He broke my heart twice, for one of the same reasons my mom hated me; my panic attacks. 

Why? It once started when some guys in high school beat the crap out of me because of my sexuality. They screamed all these words at me, punched me.. Some wounds never fully recovered and ended up a scar on my skin.

I think it made me stronger though. People will always yell at me, telling me I'm some sort of freak. When I was younger, I used to feel really bad about it. And that's putting it mildly. It started with just panic attacks, but one day I got as far as the ledge of the Brooklyn bridge. If it wasn't for the phone call Catarina made at that exact moment, I wouldn't be standing here today. 

I never got to that point again in my life again, but I know someone who did.

It was a chilly friday night, I could only hear my own footsteps as I walked through the snow. New-York was on its quietest, the sound of car horns and loud music fading away. Sometimes I just needed to be out alone for a little while. Just me, clearing my head and thinking.

My hands were freezing cold in the pockets of my black coat, as were my toes in my boots. The clock on top of the St. John the Divine church counted 1:30am, but the tiredness hadn't kicked in yet. I wondered around for a couple of minutes when I saw a figure sitting on the concrete edge of the bridge right above the lake. 

The lake was at the edge of New York City, and it used to be my own personal hideout place. I normally didn't come across anyone at this time, but on this cold December night, it appeared I wasn't its only visitor.

As I made my way to the bridge, the figure finally got clearer to me. The person sitting there was a tall guy with raven black hair, well, everything he had on was black. His shoulders hang down low and it looked like he was crying.

We've all been here right? I know I have been anyways... I doubted for a moment whether I should leave him alone or approach him. I went for the second option.

As I walked towards him, he probably heard my footsteps and turned around startled. He had beautiful hazel eyes that looked at me, slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you." 

His gaze softened and he was clearly struggling with the situation. Without saying anything, he just turned his back to me and dropped his hands on both the sides of his legs.

"Are you gonna jump?" I know it wasn't my job to save the guy, but for some reason I felt the urge to make sure he didn't do anything to himself.

My words seemed to affect him a little. Once again, he turned his head and locked his now really annoyed gaze with mine.

"It's none of your business," He said with a trembling voice. You could still see the tears in his red eyes and his cheeks still stained with them.

"You're right, it's not. But what is my business, is making sure that my favorite lake won't have a dead body floating around in it. That would be such a shame..."

Maybe I was being annoying to him, but I knew he wasn't waiting for someone to tell him it would get better. It's not up to me to do that. Only someone he trusts can.

It suprised me he actually seemed to calm down by my talking. All I heard were a few silent sobs and his still heavy breathing.

After a few moments of silence, the guy decided to answer.

"I got a question" It was barely whisper, too quiet for anyone to hear it, but me. I just looked into his eyes, and nodded. Maybe it was time for me to shut up and stay silent for once. Normally I would make a stupid joke, but the look on his made me want to listen.

"What is it like, being happy?"

He looked up to me and silently begged me for an answer. 

It was a simple question, but for some reason, I couldn't give him my answer straight away. I didn't have one.

Yes, my bad days were over. Well, most of them. But how do you tell a person who's about to end his life, that it's never going to be perfect. Right, you just do it...

"It's terrifying, but beautiful."

His eyebrow lifted and he gave me a confused look. At least I got his attention.

"Why don't you come down here, and I'll tell you a story, okay?"

He slowly nodded and I held out my hand.  
The wind was blowing around us, but when he put his hand in mine, it felt like everything around us just stopped for a second. Even my heart did.

He threw his legs over the ledge and jumped back on the bridge. When I looked at him, I saw a tear falling from his eyes. He quickly wiped it away and let go of my hand.

The moon was glowing bright that night, as did the stars around it. But the only light I cared about, was turned off probably a long time ago. The light inside this coy yet mysterious man.

"Did you know bigger stars die sooner than smaller stars?"

He shaked his head, confused again.

"Bigger ones require more energy, but they shine the brightest and most beautiful."

"I didn't know that," was all that came out of his mouth. Ofcourse he wasn't waiting for an astronomical lesson from me- from anyone. 

But it was worth the shot. 

"There are a few stars, big ones, that bright beautiful and don't die as early. They got support from the stars around them. Little stars that give their energy to the big ones."

The guy looked at me with confusion. After another moment of silence he turned his head to look right into my eyes.

"What happens with the stars around them?"

"They die the same time as the big star. Together."

His gaze became softer when I finished, the annoyed look finally fading. 

"That's actually really beautiful," he whispered, eyes focosed on nothing but me. The guy was getting prettier every second I looked at him. I noticed the little dimple on his face when the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

I decided not to answer in case I might ruin the moment. We were both standing with our backs against the ledge of the bridge. The concrete had a thin layer of snow on it, except for the space this man had been sitting.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted before," the guy said with his voice low, looking away from me. "I just uhm-"

"You don't have to explain. I'm just glad you're standing on two feet again."

He smiled at me, the dimple appearing again. The moment was a bit awkward, since our conversation could've ended very differently, but he finally seemed calm, less jumpy.

"Thank you..."

"Magnus." I said, returning the smile. 

"I'm Alec- Alexander- well I.. you know-"

"Pleasure to meet you Alexander, although I wish it were in different circumstances. You must be freezing. Should I give you a ride home-"

He shook his head intensely and I saw sparks of fear creeping back in his eyes. His shoulders tensed up and he turned his hands into fists.

"No. I mean- I..."

Home was clearly not an option for the man. God knows what he must've been through these last few hours, or probably more than that.

"Or you can crash at my place if you'd like?"

Maybe it was tad sudden but I couldn't just let him out here in the cold, all alone. I didn't know why, but I needed him to be safe. 

The hazel eyes never lost their connection with mine when the guy- Alec took my held out hand. I squeezed his trembling hand, not wanting to ever let go again.

"Yes, please." he whispered as if he was afraid I might actually hear it, but thankfully I did. 

Silence was the only thing we were able to hear on our way home. It was comfortable silence though, giving us time and space to think. 

I saved a life this night, but the person himself was far from being saved. Did he know how to be loved? Did he even know love?

When we arrived at my place, I opened the front door and let him in. Alec was still shivering from the cold and probably from all the emotions too. He looked tired, defeated, but oh so strong. 

"You have a lovely home," he managed to get out between his trembling breaths. 

"Thank you. Make yourself at-" Oh you fucking idiot Magnus. He probably hates his home. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, thank you. Again, for you know, everything." 

My apartment isn't that big, so I gave up my bed and brought him an old pair of joggers and a black sweater. 

After a few minutes of waiting for him to get changed, I checked up on him and the image of him laying in my bed, the golden sheets reflecting on his pale face, was a sight to see.

"I'm sleeping on the couch. If you need anything, just wake me up okay?" 

He slightly nodded and I turned around. But just when I was going to close the door, he shot straight up. 

"Magnus,"

"Yes?"

"Can... can you stay with me?"

"Yes, yeah ofcourse,"

I walked through the door, closed it behind me, and made my way to the bed. For some reason it didn't feel weird or awkward to step into a bed with some random stranger in it. 

He scooted over to free some space for me and I pulled the duvet up to my chest.

We stayed quiet for a few minutes, again a comfortable silence.

I turned around to look at Alec, to see if he was already asleep. But his eyes met mine and he gave me a little smile. I don't think I'd seen anything prettier in the world before, because this man truly is a work of art.

"You know, I never had someone taken care of me like this. Like they actually cared. I'm sorry if that's weird,"

I loved how he fumbled with his hands when he talked. I noticed it before and it just seems to be his thing. 

"It's not weird at all. I mean, I had the same 'experience' a couple years ago,"

"Who pulled you out of it?" he asked, flopping his hands down his sides, still never losing eye contact with me. 

"I did. Well, my friend was the one stopping me from... you know. But she still doesn't know what happened or where I was that night."

That moment I realized I had never told anyone this before. Even Catarina, the only person who knew me thoroughly, had never find out about my major fallback. 

"I guess I just want that to happen to anyone else. To you." The last two words weren't supposed to get from my mouth, but they did anyways. Alec looked up at the ceiling above us, and a slight smile appeared on his face. He smiled. Why did he smile?

"I'm the big star." 

I felt a wave of joy flowing through me. He knew. He finally understood he was worth it. Worth the energy- my energy.

"Yes, Alexander, you are. I may not know your story, but from now on, I'm with you. So when you ever feel like doing this again, just remember that there's always someone who cares about you; me."

I found my hand on top of his, our faces just inches away from eachother, so close to feel his breath. 

I didn't expect him to react, so instead of waiting for an answer, I turned around, my back was facing Alec. 

I was about to wish him a good night, when I felt his hand on my shoulder. The touch sent shivers down my spine, leaving me with eyes wide open.

He turned me around and before I could look at him, his lips met mine. 

There was the moment where the world stopped spinning for the briefest of times. And the only thing between us, was the anticipation of his lips on mine. 

The moment came to an end, but I realized; it's only just the beginning. The beginning of a new chapter.

In that very moment, it didn't matter how messed up our lives were. Maybe I was wrong by telling the perfect life is a fantasy. 

I knew there was a lot to talk about in the morning, but for now, with this beautiful human being next to me... My life was a little more perfect.

"Good night, Magnus." He whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Tips and criticism always welcome.


End file.
